A story of memories

Dear Journal,

Do you think I would exist without memory? Without memory, would I have all these fears? I attended an inspiring talk last night. At one point, a sentence resonated particularly within me: “Fear is the cancer of the soul.” In my endless reflection on my own exploration of life, I thought of these fears that assail me and block my spontaneous creative impulses. I felt as if there were a battlefield inside me.

You know, as if on one side there was a team that was enthusiastic, creative, spontaneous and in healthy cohesion with my deepest desires. And then in the other camp there is the team full of doubts, connected to my visceral fears. So I observed. I became a spectator of this inner war. I feel that this is the first step in any process of change: observing the disharmony within.

After this introspective assessment, as in any conflict resolution, I look for solutions to end this inner rivalry. What would love do in my place? It would surely reject no part of me, precisely because it is a part of me. These anxieties, these fears, are part of my personality. They tint my vision of reality with a spectrum of worry, as if I were losing that absolute trust in life.

And it is by meeting them that I can readjust the way I see the world. It is by looking them in the face, with my heart, that I can bring them the light they need. Why am I afraid? I carry memories within me, stories I tell myself. Marks from childhood, from my ancestors, from other eras and from our contemporary society. If this currently resonates within me, then so be it. I welcome the sorrow, I forgive the anger, I give thanks for the teaching and I wrap it all in love, as best I can in this moment.
I’m sorry, Please forgive me, Thank you, I love you.

What you seek is seeking you. That is a beautiful saying taught to me by a wise person. So let us dig, not to meet our shadows, but to find gold. That way we will become rich in spirit.

✦